I had to go out-of-order with the alphabet so that I could do Neil on his birthday. (You may interpret that last sentence however you wish, but keep in mind this is a Family Show 
)
Yes, in the Encyclopedia of Me, N is for Neil, my husband of 12 years, the father of my children, and my partner in crime. He is also the one who has accused me of writing novels for posts lately, and so in his honor, I make this the shortest post ever. N is for Neil. Happy Birthday, you crazy old coot.
Lisa
Dear Mrs Clarke,
As you are, no doubt, aware, Neil Clarke owns all of the rights to photographs and all theatrical releases relating thereto including the upcoming home movie in the Clarke home motion picture series (collectively the “Clarke Family Properties”). These rights are protected by numerous copyrights trademarks in both the programs themselves and the characters, sets, and other elements appearing in those programs.
We have recently learned that you have posted various elements of the Clarke Family Properties on your site at http://www.polkadotcreations.com/blog. For example, we refer to your posting entitled “N is for Neil” , as well as various photographs of Clarke Family elements on Flickr. Your posting of these items is an infringement of Neil’s rights in the Clarke Family Properties.
Based upon the foregoing, we hereby demand that your confirm to us in writing within ten days of receipt of this letter that: (i) you have removed all infringing materials from your site, including the aforementioned blog entry and all Clarke Family photographs; and (ii) you will refrain from posting any similar infringing material on the Internet or any other on-line service in the future.
The foregoing is without waiver of any and all rights of Neil Clarke, all of which are expressly reserved herein.
Very truly yours,
Jesus H. Diesel
Attorney at Law
Dear Mr. Clarke,
I nearly marked your irrelevant comment as spam, but decided that you were too entertaining not to leave you on display. I nearly spit out my coffee when I got the Diesel reference. Kudos for that one. I must insist that you cease impersonating an attorney and put your nose back to the grindstone so that our family may continue to eat and I may continue to enjoy the carefree lifestyle of bon-bons and pool boys that I so enjoy. Speaking of that, I would also like to request that you put in some overtime and purchase us a pool. Phillipe, my new pool boy, gets bored when he finishes rubbing oil on my back, and I’d like to allow him to swim a few laps in between his duties.
Respectfully,
Mrs. Clarke
Dear Mrs. Clarke,
On the basis that legal action may indeed be required, we have recommended that our client not comment on your attempts to provoke him. At this time, we would like to inform you that Phillipe is actually one of our interns and has gathered a significant collection of photographs of you in “situations” you would certainly not like to see come to light. In the best interest of avoiding a long and bitter fight in court that we will no doubt win, we offer you one last chance to remove these photos, get a job, and allow Neil his seven-year turn in lazy luxury.
We await your response.
Sincerely,
Jesus H. Diesel
Attorney at Law
Oh, Mr. Clarke, I am saddened to hear of Phillipe’s duplicitous nature, but I must take my leave. Raul is waiting for me out on the patio. Now, where did I leave that bikini…?
Okay, you guys made me laugh so hard I had to forward the link to a friend (who’s now admiring all of your crafty things). But I don’t get the Diesel reference…care to share? 🙂
Every now and then, I hear things that aren’t right, but should be. In this case, it was a commercial for the PASSION OF THE CHRIST movie starring Vin Diesel. The actual actor was Caviesel or something like that. Not really a big fan of Vin, but given Vin’s typical roles, it would have put an interesting spin on things.
I might have actually seen the movie in that case, just for the amusement value. 🙂
I have to say, every time that commercial used to come on I laughed my head off thinking of Vin Diesel in that role. I’m chuckling right NOW just writing that. I think I’m easily amused 🙂
can’t quite stop giggling at the comments above, but wanted to wish Neil a very Happy Birthday – he shares his day with a vip in my world, too – my dad. =)
Thanks! Happy Birthday to your dad too!
OMG. Very, very funny. Yeah, Jim Caviezel sounds a lot like Vin Diesel, but I think the movie might have ended differently if Vin was starring.
Happy birthday, Neil!
Thanks! Oh yes, a very different movie. It has summer blockbuster written all over it.
“Vin Diesel in ‘Passion of the Christ, II – Arisen Vengeance!!!!!!'”
“The son of god is back, and this time HE’s drinking YOUR blood!!!!!!”
I should go back to bed – it’s too early for this stuff. . .
Two days later and I’m still giggling…
You and Neil are hysterical! I really enjoy your blog and all your sewing adventures!
Heh, well, we amuse ourselves on a regular basis. We just don’t usually take it so public. Heh. Glad you’re enjoying my adventures!
So this is what you do while you are on vacation? You have my permission to stay on vacation. Very entertaining.
Heck, this is what we do all the time – we just don’t usually do it in public 😉
[…] I finally made Neil a pair of lounge pants, but I couldn’t persuade him to model them for you. When pressed for a reason why, the variety of answers I was given included “I refuse to be objectified by you on flickr” and “because I’m not five years old.” What, only five-year-olds can appreciate cowboy jammies? Personally, I think he may still be stinging from the last time I posted his picture […]